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Johnny Novak

Yes, it's my real name

Tag Archives: Stand Up Comedy

Connors Comedy Night is Ottawa’s fastest growing comedy show. At the moment, it is Ottawa’s only weekly independent comedy show.  Every Tuesday night you can see a great show hosted by yours truly, featuring some of the city’s best stand-up comedians cutting their teeth on the scene. There’s also food and drink specials including $10 pitchers and best of all, cover is absolutely free. This Tuesday night at 8:30 get a friend or nine, plus your mother and make sure you stop by 313 Bank St. for a good laugh!

For info on who’s performing or if you want to perform, make sure you check out the following:

See you on Tuesday!

ConnorsComedyNight

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Here’s where you can catch me performing this month.

  • Saturday March 15th – Barley Mow 1060 Bank St. Ottawa 9:00PM
  • Monday March 17th – Brass Monkey 250 Greenbank Rd. Ottawa 7:30PM
  • Saturday March 22nd – Ballygiblin’s 151 Bridge St. Carleton Place 8:30PM
  • Wednesday March 26th – Yuk Yuk’s 292 Elgin St. Ottawa 8:30PM

 

 

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gta5

With today’s release of the new Grand Theft Auto V video game, comes the same old backlash from parental groups. “The game is too violent, our kids will grow up to be like the characters in the game.” I’m paraphrasing, but these are the complaints that come with every GTA release and as a former gamer I can only say, they are absolutely correct. This is my story as a child who used to play Grand Theft Auto and who I became today because of it.

Fall 2002

I had just turned 13, I was in grade 8 at All Saints Catholic School in Kanata and I had a huge crush on this girl named Steph. Since girls don’t like guys with pimples and prepubescent moustaches, I dealt with my emotions like any 13 year old, by playing video games about murder and hookers (I was seriously 13?!) in my parents basement.  At the time I had been playing Grand Theft Auto III for sometime but a new game called Grand Theft Auto: Vice City just came out. It was exactly like GTA III but it was set in the ’80s and loosely based on one of my favourite movies at the time, Scarface. (Again, great material for a 13 year old. Seriously?!) The storyline was really great but I really enjoyed the part of the game where you could steal a tank and blow stuff up and the police would chase you. It was really fun and the hilarious radio commercials produced by Lazlow Jones and the Houser Brothers made it even more awesome for this greasy moustachioed bandit. Here’s a Rambo parody they did from Vice City:

A few years later Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas came out, it was also an amazing game but by the time I was 16 I had lost all interest in gaming. That’s because my acne cleared and the rest of my beard grew in. Eat your heart out Steph.

2013: What I did with my life

Fast forward to present day. Grand Theft Auto changed my life. It inspired me to get into the radio business, which is where I work today. In college my voice work and production skills won me several awards but success like that, apparently gets you nowhere these days.  Instead I work several part-time and temporary jobs, that some how don’t pay the bills even though I work 6, sometimes 7 days a week. Not where I saw myself in 5 years.

What I should have done with my life

I should have stolen a tank. Then I would have went jail and earned a degree on taxpayers money. Then once I got out, I could have become a motivational speaker. They would have gave me my own national show for sure! I could have been John Tesh, but with balls. But I didn’t.

The Moral of the Story

Don’t buy your kids Grand Theft Auto. They’ll end up thinking they can make money in the entertainment business.

And come see me perform stand up comedy on these upcoming dates.

September 17/Connors Gaelic Pub/Ottawa

September 19/M Bar/Montreal

October 16/Absolute Comedy/Ottawa

October 23/Yuk Yuk’s (Elgin St)/Ottawa

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Tonight was the monthly comedy show at one of the bars in the Byward Market. The bar shall remain nameless due to any negativity that may come out of this story. They’re a great bunch of people who support live comedy and we all hope to keep it that way. The comedy show happens on the last Monday of every month and any comic can get on. It’s pretty much a really long open mic, sometimes with up to 30 comedians. The show can go long some nights so not a lot of people, including the comedians stay the entire set. It’s understandable, no one wants to watch amateur comedy for more than a couple of minutes.

Tonight was no different, comedians coming and going. Except this night there was a drunk, bald, black guy yelling at the comedians. We’ll call him “Tupac”. (That’s not racist. It’s a doppelgänger, get it right) Tupac was being a dick the whole night blabbing through everyone’s sets until he got kicked out of the bar right before I went on stage. My set started off good, until I heard some yelling from the door way. It was Tupac.

Tupac continued to yell at me through the open window at the bar yelling stuff like “you suck stretch” and “I fucked your bitch mother”. (The latter I quickly proved wrong because I called her to deny the accusation) The crowd thought it was funny, so I carried on with my set. The truth is though, this guy actually scared the shit out of me and I was worried that he was going to attack me once I left the bar to walk to my car. I was the last comic on stage, so when I was done, the show was done. Some nice audience members walked with me outside but as soon as we got to the front of the bar, Tupac was waiting there. Now I’m not so worried because 1) Tupac is so drunk he doesn’t remember me and 2) even if he did, there are at least 7 guys standing between us.It’s always a good feeling when your audience has your back.

While walking across the parking lot, I look over my shoulder and see things turn for the worst. The group of guys are yelling at Tupac telling him to go home, then he punches a woman in the group. You never hit a woman and these guys knew that within less than a second. They chased Tupac around the corner into the market and beat him to the ground. I feel really bad for Tupac, I hope he’s okay but if I said “he didn’t deserve it” I would be a liar.

But for all of you who left early like the Sens were down 2-0 with 2 minutes to go in the 3rd period, you missed one hell of a night.

See you June 24th at “the bar with the little old french lady”, show starts at 10PM.

Good Night,

Johnny Novak

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